Archive for September, 2009
September 14, 2009 at 7:40 pm · Filed under RUR!
Don’t you just hate it when you bang into something and end up hurting yourself over it? Don’t you hate it even more when the thing you collided with came out without a scratch or any damage at all?
Urg. I’m either absent-minded or too preoccupied to pay attention to where my limbs are flailing, apparently. I was painting my mother’s bowling shirt to make it prettier and more colorful with vines and flowers. So absorbed in my task was I that I banged both my knees on the table leg twice. Twice. I would think that I was mindful enough to avoid it but apparently once I am painting, I think of nothing else.
Bah.
It’s not only the table that is my enemy. I knock into my chair fairly often that I have bruises on my elbows. And there’s the kitchen counters coloring my hips purple and yellow. I’m like a walking accident sometimes that a friend would ask me if I got into a fight from the amount of bruises I can manage to get on a mindless or preoccupied day.
My bed should be my sanctuary free from harm. Unfortunately it seems to hold a grudge seeing as it gave me a really big bruise on my leg when I slipped and stumbled against it. This was two weeks ago, and the bruise is only just fading away right now.
OH WELL. I’ll live.
However, this reminds me of the song Bruises by Chairlift. 
Simply because of the bruises part, of course.
September 11, 2009 at 7:01 am · Filed under In, RUR!
I have figured out one very important thing that keeps me from successfully producing decent writing: references. My [perhaps irrational] fear of mucking up some fact in a fictional spin is enough to keep the very, very thick and very, very high wall strong between me and beautiful, luscious, juicy inspiration.
I lack the experience and knowledge to fuel more than three quarters of my multiple plots. I have so much I want to do beyond simply reading about things like scent-detection or the subtle magic of creating perfumes. My brainstorming thoughts are becoming more disjointed and more vague by the week. If I keep this up, for sure I will lose yet another skill I’ve striven to culture since childhood.
Yes. I know I am holding myself back. I don’t know why; paranoia, maybe…that incorrigible niggling in your gut that feeds the darkness and despair in your mind that tells you how useless you are to even bother trying.
Some days I just want to let it all out and scream like a madwoman. I feel so stifled by my own inadequacies and expectations, so used to getting things right the first time. I have a certainty that this frustration will one day kill me. I just know it.
This isn’t the reason why I can’t sleep, although it plays a small part. I am thoroughly convinced that my brothers are plotting my death, or are waiting for me to snap, or kill myself. I don’t think I’ll give them the satisfaction. So instead of being rudely awakened at an ungodly hour for the third day in a row, I am simply staying up.
..and I will crash in the middle of the day.
Yes. 4am is an ungodly hour for a person who indulges in sleep.
September 8, 2009 at 11:25 pm · Filed under General
My mind is in a jumble right now. While part of it is on plans for the new site design, another is on the bag of Twix sitting on the kitchen counter, and yet another is on whipping out the pretty art paper and folding small paper boats to float in the toilet bowl just for fun.
Instead, I shall write down a list of… things. While eating Twix.
Nevermind that. I formed sentences from songs I listened to while shuffling my iTunes library: I’ll never get over you getting over me. More than this: we suck, Pat McGee is better. On the way, whisper always on your side out of my head set adrift on memory bliss. Lady, it’s good to be in love.
I’d say that makes perfect sense.
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